What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Make Nazis afraid again!

Would you date/marry a guy younger than you? If no, why not?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

How do you write a letter to your uncle who sent you money for your birthday outfit?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Why do men want to suck dick?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Why do flat-earth conspiracy theorists believe that photos from space, including those of satellites, are fake?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

What’s the craziest thing you’ve heard pretending to be asleep?

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Why do good-looking men date homely women?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

What's the most trivial thing that ever made you go to the doctor?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

What happens if a parent refuses to let their child be transgender? What happens if the parent tries their hardest not to allow their child to be trans, like flushing every bottle of their trans child's HRT down the toilet?

TEXT:

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Why do people keep saying they have evidence and have presented it that proves you're wrong even though they have none and haven't presented anything? Furthermore, what do they think you're wrong about?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Do Flat Earthers exist today? If so, where do they live?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

What caused the stock market to crash?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...